So, in our last conversation, we were discussing Myss’s concept of Woundology and belief, based on her work, that we have become accustomed to experiencing intimacy by bonding on our wounds and that, to heal, that must change.
Specific to the Woundology conversation, she offers:
“Why is it so hard to give up a wound? I believe that we are all born with a certain packet of perceptions, of “that which we know to be true.” One of the perceptions in that packet is that if we let go of certain things, our lives are going to change. And the reality is that we are actually more afraid of change than we are of death.”
Whoa. Read that again!
“We are more afraid of change than we are of death.”
Perhaps this is why we need each other and trustworthy frameworks for navigating these changes? In my experience, we cannot do this effectively alone. The fear(s) are too big. The old stories and conditioning (packets of perceptions) are too entrenched and entangled.
In Chapter Two, she discusses the five myths of healing: 1. My Life Is Defined by My Wound, 2. Being Healthy Means Being Alone, 3. Feeling Pain Means Being Destroyed by Pain, 4. All Illness Is the Result of Negativity and We Are Damaged at Our Core, and 5. True Change Is Impossible, and in each she offers valuable self-reflection questions. In Chapter Three, she discusses the chakras, the wisdom of the astrological ages and sources of power, introducing eastern and ancient concepts back into our healing toolbox. And in Chapter Four, she shares 15 signals that self-discovery (a key to empowerment and wellness, if not always a cure) has begun.
You might recognize yourself (and your own restlessness) in some of all of these. They might be wake up calls and invitations to heal and grow. The trouble starts for each of us when we ignore these.
Myss uses the metaphor of crossing a river to highlight the journey into and through the changes needed to heal, grow and evolve. She suggests that to say we want to heal is to come to the edge of the river. To do the work of change and healing is to get on the boat and cross the river (to go to therapy, to take the workshop, to read the books and apply the learning), and to allow the inner transitions and outer changes to unfold is to get off the boat, to enter the new world (even inside of your old, familiar life). In her experience, however, most people, after all that work, will not get off the boat!
This is a critical issue and why I believe we need each other. True leaders are doing this work. They have a team of allies and trusted partners supporting them to the river’s edge, onto and off the boat. Whether formal practitioners such as therapists, teachers, healers and coaches, or symbolic allies, they have and lean on their resources, recognizing that we need spiritual guides and accountability partners to cut through the conditioning, change irrelevant or hurtful packets of perception, and move us to higher ground where we can bond on our strengths, our truths, our essence and love.
We can show up empowered and joyful even in the hardest times. We can be calm in the midst of the chaos, for ourselves and others. We can be resourceful and know intimacy on many levels, mentally, physically, and spiritually, and we can experience this in all parts of our lives.
This level of leadership and healing requires self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-leadership and a decision to change, heal and grow, to commit to a lifelong journey of self-mastery.
This is what I like to call 21st Century Leadership. It is something that each of us can embrace, learn, hone and develop mastery in, while sharing it with and inspiring others.
(Find this book in the Recommended Reading section of my website, under: Guiding Principle #3 — Make Love the Most Important Thing)
